I met with Euf in Sneek, and together we drove to Emst, where the Institute is located. At the moment I came in I was hugged by several people, most memorable Ton, with whom I jumped around for a while sharing our joy. A bit later, after I had brought my stuff to my room, I met with Eva, who had shortly arrived before us, but whom I hadn't seen yet. We hugged too, and I remembered again what it was like to be around her. She can look at you in a way I can't describe. Later on, we were talking about giving people your full attention, focusing on them for a while and on nothing else. That was what she had been doing, I'm sure. That look, so full of love, made me in a way, feel threatened. It made me feel totally vulnerable. I could not answer her look with an equal one and I kept looking away. It made me feel miserable because I could not open myself to some one (not like that) and I could not give her what she deserved, just as much attention and love as she gave me.
I think it is because of this love and attention (not just from Eva, but also from Koosje and the others*) you get in such a weekend, that whenever I've returned from such a weekend (it was the third time) I feel more balanced, I have more discipline, and I am full of courage, wanting to change myself and my life. The effect of those weekends last longer than the actual weekend itself. I know that in a week or so this feeling will die away, but I enjoy it as long as it is still there. I cherish the hope that one day I can keep being as balanced as I am right now.
*Ton, Lian, Euf and all the teenagers